You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
James 4: 2-3
There was a time when my relationship with the Lord was transactional. I didn’t have the desire to pursue God or study His word. I didn’t care to experience deeper transformation or change my ways. What I wanted was for God to grant all of my desires, because I felt I deserved it. I followed the Ten Commandments as best as I could. I did all the good deeds, from sacrificing my time to help people to tithing faithfully to the church. I clocked in my usual 15 minutes of devotional time and recited my long list of prayer requests each day. “Please, let my dad buy me a new CD player for my birthday. Please, help me to pass my final exam, even though I didn’t study. Please, give me the dream job that I want. I know I don’t qualify for it, but I’ll work really hard.”
This was how I prayed throughout my teenage years and early 20s. But as I grew older, life became even more challenging, which in turn led to prayers that grew even more desperate. I spent less time asking for material blessings and more time pleading with God to take away my pain and suffering. I didn’t have the guts to admit it back then, but what I longed for most was comfort. I didn’t want to struggle, and I was under the impression that God didn’t want this for me either. I took verses like Matthew 7:7 and 19:26 out of context and I clung to them for dear life, believing that God was my personal vending machine. If I had enough faith, then I could trust God to do what I wanted.
You could imagine my confusion, then, when I prayed for healing from certain blessings and I saw nothing happen. Or when I asked God to remove certain difficulties from my life, then watched things get ten times worse. I hadn’t yet grasped the true purpose of prayer. I mainly saw it as a tool. A means to ensure that God was supporting my agenda. So, where did I go wrong? Was it because I didn’t have enough faith? Was it because I slipped and didn’t perfectly follow the Mosaic laws? Had I done something to upset God?
Sure enough, this line of thinking led to anxiety and a hopeless effort to manipulate God. I began to question His character, and I wondered if He truly cared about me. I thought about all those scriptures I’d pulled out of context—including Psalm 37:4, which states that God will “give you the desires of your heart.” My reality was not reflecting this at all. But then, I began to seek the Lord for myself in my late 20s, and my heart changed. I can’t quite articulate how this shift happened, but it was like scales were lifted from my eyes. I found myself wanting to seek the Lord—not for selfish reasons, but because I so desperately wanted to understand Him. I realized that my perception of Him was all wrong, which meant that my understanding of prayer was way off track.
Fortunately, as I began to study the scriptures in my late 20s, I came to understand why God didn’t always answer my prayers. Or at least, not in the way I wanted Him to answer them.
3 Common Reasons Your Prayers Aren’t Effective
1. Unrepentant Sin: There have been seasons where I normalized sin so much that I had no desire to repent. And yet, I would still pray to God without addressing my sin because I thought I was getting away with it. In reality, my prayers were being hindered, and there are several scriptures to support this. Perhaps the most common is Psalm 66:18, where David writes, “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.”
2. Wrong Motives: I had no issue when it came to asking God for things, but my motives were selfish and far from pure, which can be another big hindrance. James 4:2-3 reads, “You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
3. Unforgiveness: I confess, this is an area that I still struggle with. Forgiveness can feel impossible at times, but because I still have the desire to forgive, I trust that God will give me the ability to do so as He softens my heart. In Mark 11:25-26, it says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
I ought to clarify that this is by no means a comprehensive list. The Bible mentions other hindrances to prayer, like praying with doubt (James 1:6-7) or failing to honor your spouse (1 Peter 3:7) . However, these three are the areas where I have struggled the most, and I suspect that several other believers have had a similar experience. Fortunately, it didn’t take very long for me to shift my perspective on prayer. I now see it as a gift. A beautiful opportunity to communicate with my Maker, to invite God’s grace, to worship Him, and to deepen my intimacy with Him.
If you happen to struggle in the same areas or feel like your prayers aren’t being answered, then I would encourage you to start with a prayer of humble repentance for any sin patterns, impure motives, or bitterness towards others. I would also highly recommend a deep study of Matthew 6:9-13, where Jesus offers a clear blueprint of how we all ought to pray. (Simply revisiting this passage always reminds me of what I should prioritize in prayer.) Keep in mind that this is not a cure-all formula that guarantees all your prayer requests will be granted. We weren’t created to be self-centered creatures who always live in comfort and luxury. The goal here is to grow in our walk with the Lord so our will and desires are ultimately aligned with His.
Nakeisha Campbell 